The more you can improve your listening skills the better you will communicate. Think about how you communicate in both a business and personal setting. By gaining a good understanding of your listening skills and the habits of others, you will be able to increase your communication effectiveness.
A good starting point is to remember these five levels of listening:
1. Ignoring
The person’s state of mind may be thinking of self, personal issues and challenges. Therefore, we aren’t focused on the conversation we are having.
How do you know when someone is ignoring you? There are nonverbal cues. They include yawning, eyes averted, looking over speaker’s shoulder or being distracted.
If you know that you are being ignored, you may decide to have this conversation at a later time. Alternatively, you may decide to put these comments in writing when the person can read them and respond to you at a later date. When you are being ignored, the communication is weak and lacks meaning.
2. Pretending
The person’s state of mind is still focused on own issues and thoughts.
While they may be fooling you with lots of nodding and other gestures, they are just pretending to be following the conversation.
If you think that the listener may be pretending, you may want to start asking them some questions. By interjecting questions, you will force them to stop pretending and start listening. That will require a more interactive listening style and more meaningful communication.
3. Selective
The person’s state of mind is still focused on one’s self. This person will selectively choose the bits of information that they take into account. Often times, it is only information that has direct interest or benefit to them. They are often caught on emotionally laden words or buzz words.
The nonverbal cue for selective listening is occasional animation. When they become interested, they will come alive. You can choose to shift the conversation to the topic that is most interesting to them. Concurrently, you can start asking them questions so that they fully engage in the conversation.
4. Attentive
The person is in this state of mind when they are paying attention to the words and interpreting their meaning. There is a focus on facts and particulars during this active listening. They will be asking you questions for clarification and details that are of interest to them.
The nonverbal cues for attentive listening include good eye contact, leaning forward and nodding. These cues demonstrate that the person is fully engaged in the conversation.
Having a conversation with an attentive listener is a meaningful process for everyone. There is good exchange of information, and the communication process is effective.
5. Empathic
The person in this state of mind is paying attention with both sides of the brain, emotionally involved as well as understanding the words and their meaning. They are listening for the meta-message in the conversation.
The empathetic listener is listening for feeling and behavior, as well as for words. They pay close attention to incongruities between verbal and non-verbal cues and use information to build rapport. As the talker, you can tell that the person understands how you are feeling and you develop rapport with the individual.
By talking with an empathic listener, you will feel good about what you just communicated. The communication process will go deeper towards a problem solving or action oriented level.